April 26, 2025
Yo homies! I just finished the Salt Lake City Marathon! My time was a little off my goal, but the altitude in Salt Lake is 4327 feet, which I’m pretty sure is just a few feet less than the moon, so it was hella hard to breathe, yo!
My homie Kai was supposed to run it with me, but he says he hurt his calf and was all like, “Sorry, Raddicus, I gotta bale on that marathon I talked you into, but don’t worry, you can still sleep on my dope ass couch!”
I’m still glad I did it though, because the race was totally rad and I got to spend time in Utah and there’s a ton of mad virtuous girls here, yo! Before the race they were all like, “Yo, Raddicus, could we marry you so we can kiss?” But I was like, “Women weaken knees, yo!” So I couldn’t do it, but I still got engaged to five of them, which they said means we can hold hands now as long as we keep them three feet away from our waists. So tonight is going to be wild, yo!
Anyway, your boi is as sore as Mario after DK bowled his ass over with a barrel now. Twenty-six point two miles is no joke, yo! I wish I could use the ice bath at my compound back in SD, but at least my homie Kai says I can use the moldy bathtub in his apartment if I pay him 50 bucks for the water and a tray of ice cubes. He even said he’d throw in a big kitchen bag full of garbage to elevate my feet on his couch. That’s my homie, yo!
